New Blog Host.

I have decided to move my blog to another host.  This is does not do some of the things I would like it to do.  You can find my new blog here http://smallstepstowardstupid.wordpress.com/

Now that I'm not a real minister.

    I took my first part time youth ministry when I was eighteen years old. Looking back on that I can see how that was good and bad.  It was good that it gave me a lot of experience that I have been able to look back on and learn from.  It was bad from the stand point that I was eighteen and responsible for kids, that at the most, were two years younger then me.  I could say more about that, but that's another blog for another day.

   The reason I bring that up is to say this, for the past seven years of my life beginning straight out of high school, I have been in some form of vocational ministry, mostly part time and full time youth ministry.  As of two months ago that was not true anymore.  Do not get me wrong I still consider what I do with MACU ministry, but it is in no way the same caliber of intense personal spiritual formation focused work that I have been accustomed to for the past seven years. 

  Since I have been able to distance myself from that type of work over the past two months I have discovered some observations about myself and the nature of ministry work in general.  I would like to share those now.  Before you read these, please understand that I am not saying they apply to you as a minister.  I am simply stating what I have observed about myself from the lens of being "out of" ministry as it is defined in Church's today.

1)  I have a horrible prayer discipline. 
    I am beginning to see that in the past I have spent a good part of my prayer time interceding for students and others in the Church.  Now that I am not emotionally invested in the lives of 150 people, I am finding it hard to make prayer a priority in my life.  What does that say about me?  That says that I never really had a prayer discipline to start with.  What I had was a job description that I felt required me to pray.  In fact, it was in my contract.  It can be kind of sobering to realize that what I thought was genuine spirituality may in fact just have been Pharisaical pandering to please the crowd.

2)  I read my Bible less, but appreciate it more.  
    Let's face it, I used to be paid to read and study my Bible.  That is not the case anymore.  I have to actually make time in my day to do real Bible reading, and I am discovering that is hard.  This has taught me that when I do get back in a full time ministry that I need to ease up on my weekly "Read your Bible or burn" speeches that are delivered to the congregation.  I am finding that when I do take the time to really invest myself in scripture that I am appreciating it more than I ever have.  It is a lot like getting a really long cold drink of water after running for a long time.  Being out of ministry has taught me what it is to truly long after God's word, not just tell other people that they should.

3)  I have less sympathy and more respect for ministers when they tell me how busy they are. 

    Now before you get all up in arms and start to pull out your calendars to show me how busy you are and give me the speech about how I get to leave my work at the office when I come home etc etc.  Let me explain.  Let's be really honest as one former minister to one current minister.  We can have a tendency to make ourselves look a lot busier then we actually are.  Yes there are sick people, dead people, and people that want to get married.  Yes there is the weekly lesson/sermon (or maybe even three), and yes there is the constant mental and physical stress that comes from always being in the thick of everyone's problems.  Can we just be really honest though?  We bring a lot of it on ourselves.  I can admit it now because I'm not in it.  I lived in a constant state of fear that everyone would think that I did not have a real job.  In fact I was told on more then one occasion by a gentleman in my church that what I did was in fact not a real job.  Ministry is such an ambiguous sort of work sometimes, and it can be really hard to have real physical signs that anything of worth is getting done so we feel the need to tote around how busy we are all the time.  Listen, speaking as a laymen, we know that you are busy.  We are as well.  We really do appreciate and respect all that you do, but when you feel the need to complain *cough brag cough* about how busy you are I really do not have any sympathy for you. 

4) I am a lot less stressed.
    It is not that my job is not stressful, but it is a different kind of stress.  I am not worrying that the teen that I have invested 5 years of my life in is going to get someone pregnant or hop him or her self up on drugs.  I don't think I need to say much more about that.

5) I am finding it a lot harder to be intimately involved with a Church or even have the desire to do so.
    I have never had to make myself plug into a Church.  I was paid to do that so it was kind of a no brainer.  Again, I think this is a real testimony to my actual spiritual health at this point.   What I once thought was undying devotion to the Kingdom of God may in fact have only been a financially motivated semblance of true devotion to biblical community. 

    With all that being said, I have come to the conclusion that God is using this time away from vocational ministry to show me some things about myself that need work.  It is easy when you are in the thick of it to assume that everything that is done, is being done for the good of the Kingdom when in fact it may be getting done for our own personal gain. 

    So to all the ministers out there I say, keep up the good, hard, and much needed work of full time ministry, but please take a few moments and reflect on the reason for your service.  To all the hard working laymen out there, take the time to thank and appreciate those around you who are in full time ministry and then stop and reflect on your own devotion to the kingdom.  Because in the end we are all ministers of the Kingdom of God.

 

Resignation Letter

Dear Church Family,

It is hard to put into words what a group of people such as yourselves means to us.  In the four + years that  we have known you, we can honestly say that we have never met a more generous and grace filled congregation.  There is much we could say to express that, but for now we will simply say that we love you all very much.  That is why today is a bitter sweet day for us.  

On September 17th Jonathan was officially offered a job at Mid Atlantic Christian University as a school recruiter and he has accepted the offer.  Effective October 11th 2010 he will no longer hold the position of Associate Minister here at Creeds.  This was not a decision that was entered into lightly, but after much prayer and deliberation we believe that God has opened a door for us at MACU that we need to walk through.  

I know that there will be a lot of question as to why we have decided to do this and that is fine, but let us be very clear.  We are not leaving Creeds because we are unhappy or because of any ill will towards anyone.  We are sad to go but we feel that as a couple we have taken the youth program here as far as we can take it.  We have learned much and have treasured every moment here.  We truly do feel like family, and we always will.  The leadership was aware of this decision before this announcement this morning. They are in support of it and they send us off with their blessing, we hope that each of you will be able to do the same.  Our prayer is that our last remaining weeks here can be spent in joy as we look fondly on what was, and as we look with excitement to what will be.  We ask that you please join us in praying for our future in Elizabeth City Nc, and for the future Associate Minister here at Creeds.  We love you all more than you know.

God Bless,

Jonathan, Aimee and Jude

What's an Ipod?

  It's not a big secret that I am going to be a dad any day now.  The other day I was struck with the idea of just how much stuff exists now that was not around when I was born.  So here is a list of just ten things that Jude will never know life with out.

1) Ipod (First Launched October 3rd 2001)

2) Social Networking facebook, myspace, twitter etc (First launched in it's beta form as friendster in 2002)

3) Wireless Internet (Not sure when it was launched)

4) Wikipedia (Founded in it's earliest form as Nupedia in March 9th 2000)

5) Mass cell phone ownership

6) The Message Version of the Bible (Published in segments from 1993-2002)

7) Macbook (First introduced in 2006)

8) The Baltimore Ravens (First season game as this team was in 1996)

9) Justin Bieber (Trust me he is never going away.)

10) Google (Began January 1996)

  What other things can you think of that have been invented in the past 25 yrs?

When Cultures Clash. Click around minute 10.

Why God Went Through With It

  In about five weeks (give or take two weeks) I will be responsible for the needs of another human being.  This is going to be quite a change of pace for me.  To be honest I have never had to be responsible for another person's well being before.  I have been in charge of a lot of teenagers and elementary school kids over the past seven years, but at the end of the day I could always take comfort in the fact that they were going to go home to their parents and I was going to go home to my Xbox360.

    I have always heard it said that something changes in a man when he discovers he is going to be a dad, but I did not really understand what that meant.  I still don't, but I am starting to get the idea.  I have to be honest, for awhile I have wondered why in the world anybody would want to have kids.  Why anyone would want to be responsible for a life that for the better part of twenty some years will at best acknowledge your existence, and at worst want nothing to do with you was something I simply could not comprehend.  That changed thirty seven weeks and five days ago.  That is when Aimee and I discovered that we were going to have a kid.  No, I did not change my mind over night, to be quite honest I was scared, and a little aggravated that it happened so soon.  Slowly and surely though God began to work on my heart.

    I have always struggled with the question of why God created us.  If he knew that it was all going to go horribly wrong, if he knew that we were going to spit in his face, pretend like we don't know him, use his name to explain our frustration with things, and just generally rebel against him, why go through all that aggravation?

    I do not claim to have all the answers to that question, but here is what I am starting to realize.  Last night Aimee and I took a tour of the hospital.  It was a very cool experience because we were able to see where we needed to go and what was going to happen once we arrived.  The part I enjoyed the most though was the stop at the nursery.  Inside the nursery was one single baby boy who was not even an hour old yet.  As soon as our tour saw him everyone stopped, got very quite and just looked.  We did not know this boy, we did not even know his name.  All the kid did was squirm around and make funny noises but  all of us stared in awe at new life and at that moment I realized a little bit more why God went through with it, and why I am so excited about the birth of my son.

    None of us knew the boy in that nursery but we did know one truth, we were looking at potential.  This was a new life in the purest sense of the word.  He knew nothing of evil or good all he knew was the here and now.  I wonder if that is what God saw when he created the first man and the first women?  Did he see potential?  Sure he knew that they were going to mess up, rebel, cause pain and suffering but in the end they were still apart of him and they had potential.  Each of us has the potential to turn toward our father and say, "I love you and I'm ready to live life the way you designed it to be lived."  That is a choice we can make each and every day.

   So yes I am still nervous and scared, I have trepidation about doing things right and being the best dad I can be.  More than that though I am excited.  I am excited that in a few short weeks I will be holding in my hand pure potential.  A boy that could grow up and rebel, spit in my face, pretend he does not know me and go his own way.  If he does do that, it's ok because there is always the potential to turn the other way.  He could grow up and change the world, and God in is grace sees fit to let me be apart of that.  That is a very cool adventure to be apart of.

The Effects of Fear John 21:15-22

Yes I do still blog, below is a sermon that I delivered for chapel on April 27th.  Like all sermons I put on here do what you want with it, steal it and make it your own and give God the credit or use it as a coaster for you drink on your desk.

Introduction

            As a kid I was a pretty big scared little fellow.  Looking back there was a ridicules amount of objects and events that I was scared of.  Dogs, heights, bees, the ocean, swimming pools, driving too fast, roller coasters, snakes, basements, the dark.  I was even scared of loud noises, and the sound that automatic toilets would make when they flush!  I was a pretty timid little dude.  I’m happy and proud to announce that I am now the proud owner of two dogs, I love going to Kings Dominion and riding most of the roller coasters, I live by the beach and frequent the ocean a lot, and I can even use automatic toilets with out any fear of them flushing. 

            We all have fears, things that we were scared of as children and things that we are scared of now.  Some are legit and some are just weird.  As we get older we may grow out of those childhood fears, but it seems that bigger and even more daunting ones replace them.  Fear of being alone, fear of failing at our career, fear of losing those we love, fear of disappointing those around us, fear of raising our children wrong, fear of not being good enough, fear of missing our purpose in life, and the list goes on and on.

Fear Makes us Forget

When I think about this concept of fear I am always encouraged by the fact that the Bible is full of guys that were plagued by fear.  Moses pleaded with God to find someone else to do the job, Jonah ran the other way, the Israelites wandered in the dessert for forty years because of their fear of the promise land, David in Psalm 55 cries out, “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.  Fear and trembling have beset me, and horror has overwhelmed me!” the disciples were scared in the storm, and then there was Peter.

I’m not sure if I can say this about an apostle, but I think it’s fair to say that Peter and I would not have gotten along very well.  His personality and my personality just would not mesh that well.  He was always the first to talk, loud, abrasive and very opinionated (two really opinionated guys in the same room don’t mix well).  No, Peter and I would not have gotten along well, but there is realness to Peter that I can relate to.  A lot of times we don’t associate Peter with fear, for crying out loud he was going to take on a whole group of Roman soldiers with one sword, but there are times in Peter’s life when he is ruled by fear.  The story of his denial of Christ is a pointed example that underneath all of the big claims of dying with Christ, and following him to the end, there was fear living in him and when the proverbial rubber met the road Peter’s true nature came to the surface.

Now I don’t want to pick on Peter too much because truth be told I’m pretty sure I’m not so sure if I would have done differently. I believe that the example of people like Moses, and Jonah, David, and Peter teaches us a very true and very important principle when it comes to fear. 

1) Fear makes us forget who God is. 

            This is not a hard concept so I am not going to spend a lot of time on it.  Fear makes us forget.  We fear being alone/ we forget that Christ promises to never forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).  We fear failing at our careers/we forget that our identity is not found in what we do, but who we belong to (Ephesians 2:10).  We fear missing our purposes in life/we forget that when we belong to Christ we have already found our purpose (Jer 29:11).  We fear not raising our kids well/we forget that God is their heavenly father and even though we love them very much he loves them more (Lamentations 2:19).  The list goes on and on of issues that we fear and example after example of God being faithful through all things, and yet when fear strikes amnesia sets in.  This is evident in the story of Peter, just days earlier he has watched the triumphal entry of Christ, a dead man come to life, a blind man receive his sight, and his very own pronouncement of Christ’s deity.  Fear makes us forget the promises of God and the power of God. 

It is a fruitless effort to not be afraid of certain situations, but I believe the key is that when we get into those situations that we do not forget who God is and what we has already brought us through and promised to bring us through.

2) Fear looks for company (John 21:15-22)

            This is one of my favorite accounts in all of scripture for a couple of reasons but one of the reasons is the realness of it.  Anyone who has ever been the bystander to an awkward conversation can kind of relate to this story.  Picture the scene, everyone has just finished a very nice breakfast with Jesus, the dishes are getting cleaned up, the fire is getting put out and all of a sudden Jesus drops the bomb.  “Peter do you love me?”  Oh man here it goes, Peter had to know this conversation was coming, he had been dreading it ever since he had heard the great news about Christ.  “Yes Lord you know I love you.”  Ok we got that out of the way we can move on, but Jesus is not done yet, “Peter are you sure you love me?”  And you can almost hear the underlying statement in there, “Are you sure you love me, because back in the day you talked a pretty big talk, but I’m pretty sure you did not follow through.”  I would imagine at this point the rest of the disciples are looking around for something to do, because this was not a conversation that they wanted to be apart of, maybe there like sweeping the beach up.  “Simon son of John, “Do you love me?”  “Lord you know I love you, that stuff that happened back then was a mistake, I freaked out, we all did, but you know everything and you know that I love you!”  It’s at this moment that Jesus seems satisfied and says, “ok then if you’re sure you love me, then hold on because the rest of your life is not going to be for the faint of heart, it’s not going to be for people who scare easy. Translation, if you follow me your going to die because of it.  We know from tradition that he did in fact die for Christ, some traditions say crucified upside down, others say by beheading, but the point is the same when people get serious about following after Jesus, it can get scary.  There is no guarantee of safety or comfort or glory when you follow Christ.  This is not a message that is preached too much to people going into ministry so let me make it very clear, if your in ministry for comfort, fun, glamour or to make a name for yourself, get out because it will eat you alive.  The ministry is not for the faint of heart, or for people easily scared by life (that one is for free.)   

 I love Peter’s response to this whole conversation.  Jesus says ok if you love me this is how your life is going to play out, and instantly Peter starts looking around and he see’s John and says, “Well what about him?!”  This is so interesting to me because we all do this.

Some of you are going to go through seasons of your life when you follow after Jesus that are completely out of your control, seasons that scare you.  For some of you it will be routine test results that come back bad.  For some of you it will be job loss, spousal issues.  Some of you will work your entire lives in ministry and will never see fruit.  Some of you sitting in here today will have to bury children, and when that day comes your gut reaction is going to be to look around and say, “but what about him, what about her?”  “It’s not fair, I worked just as hard as them, exercised more than her, raised my kids better than them, and this is how it ends?”  If your not careful you can begin to live a life that is controlled by this type of “yeah but what about them mentality.”

Some of you know that I have a twin sister.  Growing up a twin can be a very interesting experience.  One thing that used to irk me as a kid was when people would but us one gift to share.  Something that would be even more aggravating though, and it did not happen very often, but every once in awhile my sister would get a gift and I would not or vise versa.  My dad used times like these to teach me a very important lesson, “just because someone else get’s a gift does not mean I’m going to get a gift.”   This is such an important lesson because it is so true. 

  It’s during these hard seasons of life, when were looking back at everyone behind us , evaluating their gifts, and looking at what we have and don’t that and fear  and the jealousy is taking  that our heavenly father reminds us, “don’t worry about them, I have a purpose for them as well, we don’t all get the same gifts, but you follow me.”

Conclusion

Hope amidst Fear

            Here is the last thought I want to leave you with this morning.  Isn’t great that despite Peter’s fear, Jesus still uses him for the glory of his kingdom?  See I’m not quite sure that Peter every really got over his fear of what people thought about him and what the future would hold, because we find in Galatians 2:12 that Paul is openly rebuking Peter because of is fear of what the Jewish community would think of him eating with the gentiles.  It’s a really interesting part of the Bible, and when you get a few minutes you should check it out.    Isn’t it great that Christ uses us despite our fears?  Christ commands his disciples 21 times in the New Testament not to fear and yet it seems as though that was a hard lesson for them to learn, despite that he continued to use them for the kingdom.

            I don’t know all of you guys, and you guys do not know very much about me, but here is one thing I know.  Every single one of us has something that we are afraid of. I’m not talking about some little fear like heights or snakes or automatic toilets, I’m talking about the deep fears of the soul.  If you have not experienced a soul fear yet, at some point you will.  One day you will be asked by God to do something you do not think you can do.  You will be asked to go places you don’t want to go and minister to people that you do not feel comfortable ministering to.  You will be asked to carry an illness that you do not think your strong enough to carry, give help to people you do not feel qualified to help.  Christ Jesus will whisper to you, “Do you love me?” “Then feed my sheep.”  It is at that point when the fear and the doubt creep in that you will have a choice to make.  You can forget who God is, you can begin to look around and covet the cross that others have been asked to bear or you can say yes Lord I love you, please use me despite my fear.  When that day comes I would ask you to remember the words of Romans 8:15, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry “Abba Father.”